When he passed away, Ima was the only son to his widowed mum; this loss took a great toll on her. For days, Ima’s mum, Tabby, lost herself. Her beautiful frame, and ever cheerful face was almost reduced to something short of a walking skeleton with a downcast countenance. Mum Tabby deeply mourned for her son, and it was as though she was in a trance for the days leading to the funeral.
A few months later, in trying to cheer her up, a kind relative decided to host her on one of the weekends. Their intention was noble, and that was to help her take her mind off things, and just bring her to a different space. It started really well until, by accident, Mum Tabby bumped into photos of her late son’s burial ceremony. It shattered her heart; it was as though she had lost him all over again. No amount of consolation would calm her down and the kind relatives now had to battle to get these photos off her hands and they did succeed; eventually. They then kept these photos away and these have never been seen to this very day. Tabby never asked about them and no one knows whether she ever wished to see them again. This was nineteen years ago.
This is Tabby’s story but could be anyone else’s story. Photos and videos are a noble way to document our memories, created through life’s ever-changing tides. The intent is perhaps to share with those we love, those who were not present with us, and those who will come after us, the beautiful and not so beautiful things they never got to witness. If this is the only intent, then perhaps there’s not even need for a discussion because it is for a good course. However, chances are that this is not the only intent of photo and video taking of a funeral; its importance only lies with an individual person or family, as uniquely as we all are.
These points are therefore worth considering over this matter:
When memories created bring pain or open healing wounds, then one would have to wonder if it is still worth pursuing photo and video coverage during a funeral. It may be argued that we are just creating memories, but for who and of who?
An important question to ask, in all sincerity, is who is really going to benefit from these photos and videos. Recent trends show people or if you would, mourners, come out looking quite stylish at funerals and memorial services, such that except for the Dark Sunnies on people’s faces, black fascinators on the head of the ladies, with their matching black outfits, and dark suits on the men, you may easily pass it for just any other occasion. You will notice a group of individuals taking numerous photos of themselves and mark you, not even around the casket, or the bereaved family, making you wonder who the photos are meant for. If we are able to answer these questions, then perhaps we are a step closer to resolving the matter of whether it is really necessary to take do media coverage of a funeral. Who we are creating these memories for is an important question to answer.
If for example, the deceased was an outgoing person, always loved being around people, and certainly enjoyed creating memories with family and friends, it would make absolute sense to create memories in their honor at death. This may not so be the case for one who was more reserved or introverted, and valued their personal space and privacy. And if getting that one photo of them for an obituary ad was as hard as finding a needle in a haystack, then it is better to keep off the photos for such a loved one. It would almost be a dishonor to have photos of them in a coffin or of mourners surrounding them, if in life they just did not love having photos taken of themselves. So it is really worth considering who the deceased was before unanimously agreeing to take photos and videos at their funeral. It should be a matter of discussion not assumption.
It is unlikely that family and friends will have ill motives when they have lost a loved one; but in making decisions after a loved one’s death, consulting the immediate family members is really important to avoid inflicting unnecessary pain for a wrong decision made, or for working with assumptions. So as regards this matter, consult if they are comfortable with photos and videos being taken for the funeral. This gives the bereaved better control of the situation so that in the case that they accidentally bump into these photos and videos, they are not feeling like they have been hit by a sledge hammer and their scars slit open. Let the immediate family decide.
Worth putting into consideration is the cost of photography and videography; it is not a cheap affair with advancement in technology. So it may end up being a battle between the extra costs making sense to a family, against the importance of creating memories as per the bereaved family’s desires. To throw a spanner in the works, may be that the deceased also made specific wishes to have memories created for their kin. Therefore, whether this will be financially feasible or not, it will be a matter needing attention and conclusion.
Now we also have those community photographers who are always looking for an opportunity to make that extra coin. It is unlikely that they got your memo about not taking photos at that funeral; what do you do with them? Two things can be considered.
First option is that you can hire security personnel better known as bouncers, to manage the unwanted photographers and keep them at bay. Funny as it may sound it may just work. If you have agreed as a family that you do not want any photos or videos then you may just have to take this bold step.
Second option would be to try to make the funeral as private as you possibly can so that there is no entry for any uninvited guest. It is not a guarantee as we are in the generation of people with itchy fingers with a phone at hand; the issue is not the phone but the camera part of it. This may be hard to control, but trying we can.
So much can be said about this, but each point above should be put into perspective when considering this aspect of a funeral. As earlier put, most people, whether friends or family, always have good intentions when a loved one has passed away; but it is also true that someone’s good intentions can be a trigger to something harmful to another person.
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