As guests anticipate the bride emerging, gracefully walking down the aisle, there is almost an unspoken expectation of how her mother will also appear. Whether hand in hand with her daughter or waiting for her at the end of the aisle, every mother of the bride always holds the esteemed position, with pride in their eyes as they give their daughters hand to the new family. Always an emotional moment and tears may even fall, but a moment of great joy nonetheless. This however is just the climax of the matter; behind the scenes you can be sure that there have been days, weeks perhaps even months of planning, often filled with very high pressure for various reasons and especially on the bride. In these behind-the-scenes moments, it is perhaps the silent role of the MOB as is often referred to, that keeps things together. Well, some MOBs may not appreciate going unnoticed but they sure have their daughters’ best interests at heart.
In all this, where is the mother of the groom (MOG)? It could very well be that as much as there is no wedding without a groom, the groom’s side tends to have a quieter role in terms of the pomp and color, yet they are the fuels behind the turning wheels that are ensuring the wedding comes to life. Perhaps this makes even the role of the mother of the groom also more silent. From the time they enter the ceremony to their exit, they will be mentioned only a few times as eyes will often remain on the bride and her family.
But how about behind the scenes for the mother of the groom? The MOG may feel left out and so we want to try to articulate how brides and grooms may engage both mothers in a meaningful way that none will feel inferior or superior to the other in their roles, as is often the case.
It is certainly every mum’s wish that the day their child gets married, whether son or daughter, that they can be there for them in the most practical ways, and also the best way they know how. During planning and decision-making stages of the wedding especially, parents want to be sure that the right decisions are being made and that things that may bring embarrassment to the family for whatsoever reason, should be avoided at all costs.
Tension between two families that are just getting to know each other is inevitable. The relationship between the two mums is a great place to start building this relationship. How about the bride finding ways to break the ice between the two. Here are a few suggestions how:
You can plan to host a joint mother-of-the-bride and mother-of-the-groom tea party to foster a good relationship between both mothers before the wedding day. This can just be a small meeting where just the ladies meet to converse, share ideas about the wedding and just have a fun meet up. This will go a long way in allowing things to run a little more naturally in the days ahead.
You definitely, as a couple, want your parents to look their utmost best on the wedding day. To avoid the feeling that one looks better than the other you could arrange to have the mums go out shopping together. Well, this may boil down to how at ease they will feel doing this, but it is a suggestion you can table, nonetheless.
It’s not a bad idea to organize a pre-wedding photoshoot then invite both mums as you strive to create memories for yourselves as a family. These can be cherished forever.
As you plan your own grooming and relaxation activities in the days leading to the wedding, you can have a spa treatment organized just for the mums. It may just be a much-needed new experience for them, giving them an opportunity to bond.
It is easier when you mark out roles for each of the mum, no matter how mundane a task may seem, every parent just wants to feel needed and included in the process. Sometimes the discontentment comes when one mum feels left out or less involved than the other mum. But the truth is that their level of involvement will definitely vary, due to their unique roles and this can be made clear by assigning the respective roles to the mums. Below are some suggestions of the roles:
1.Giving daughter moral support
2.Help with picking out the gown
3.Preparing the guest list so that the family is well represented
4.Assisting with the bridal shower
5.Hosting guests who come for the wedding
6.Helping the Bride prepare on the wedding day
7.Walking the bride down the aisle
1.Give Moral support to the Groom
2.Offer Financial Help
3.Assisting with the rehearsal dinner
4.Help with the guest list to include members of the groom’s side of the family
5.Help to host wedding guests
To successfully put all the above together, there are key things that should ideally help you get there. Do not think of it as management of parents, but rather inclusion of parents.
You must find the most effective way to communicate what and how you want the parents to get involved. Understand if your mum in-law enjoys a talk over the phone or appreciates one taking time to have a face-to-face conversation. Figuring this out may very well be your 60% success to solving the matter, and the rest will automatically fall into place. Same applies in the case of the groom towards mum of your bride.
Learn to cooperate with the elders, in this case the mums. They may have opinions that don’t agree with yours, but you must respectfully decline or find middle ground so that you are not stirring any conflict between you and the to be family.
How ever they want to give support, try make room for them; after all you are also at a vulnerable space, emotionally so any support you can get from a mother figure, will go a long way. Do not be on the offensive all the time. Try to find the gold in the mud of difficult situations you find yourself in with the mothers.