Communication simply put, is the exchange of information verbally or non-verbally. Through speech, writing, listening or any other available medium we live by constantly sharing information one to another. Communication is however only complete and effective when the information shared has reached the recipient concisely and with its original meaning maintained and understood by the recipient. It ought not to be ambiguous, in which case it will be considered distorted communication, that may also result in detrimental consequences.
In marriage, effective communication is vital; it is the very heartbeat of it all. It is essential for couples to make a conscious effort to communicate with each other regularly, expressing thoughts, feelings and ideas freely with no fear of being judged or misunderstood. This is because it is only through communicating with your spouse will you be able to know and understand each other, which should hopefully result in you being able to better support your relationship; each person in their respective roles of either husband or wife. Plainly put, communication is the foundation of every healthy relationship, you really want to get it right!
It is also important to state that you keep learning from, and of each other in any healthy relationship. It is only through communicating, will we attain any level of mutual understanding, and in the case of marriage, it gets you to grow deeper in unity as you strive to attain the richness of love and a fulfilled life. These two aspects should be the goal as you build a stronger bond with your spouse.
Effective Communication in Marriage will achieve the following for us:
There is a huge difference between hearing what your spouse is saying and understanding what they are saying. It is only through constant communication will you get to a level of deep understanding of the other person, and how they express themselves in each circumstance. As time goes by, and as you both share messages and continuously understand each other’s meanings, you may not even need to utter a word, as you will automatically know what your partner feels. This deepens your emotional feelings towards each other and so you are both able to respond accordingly with mutual understanding.
When we effectively communicate, both the sender and the recipient of the message will naturally feel at ease and strive to come to mutual understanding. Over time this will breed, trust, honesty and eventually respect as you will have both found a way to become more vulnerable with one another and ultimately be one in mind. This does not dispel the fact that there will be differing opinions over matters, but it is rather that how you have expressed these different thoughts, you did not leave the other person either hurt or feeling overlooked or disrespected.
Trusting your spouse enough to feel safe to share and express your truest thoughts, desires, concerns and even attitudes should be a mark of excellent communication between two people in marriage. It goes without saying that this will give you marital satisfaction as you will find yourselves enjoying each other’s presence and even company. Knowing that your partner is listening to you and you being able to listen to them, will no doubt dispel insecurities in your marriage union. This will ultimately increase your feelings of satisfaction toward each other as a married couple.
Just as connectivity in technology depends on good communication between the linking networks, cables, satellites etcetera, so is effective communication in marriage. When you communicate well as a couple you are definitely able to connect better. You will understand what your partner feels, whether good or bad, so that what you say and/or do in response, comes out clearly as support that they are also able to quickly accept and comprehend.
Having shared the importance of effective communication in marriage, how about we also give some ideas of how you can improve communication in your marriage:
To be able to steal moments for just the two of you may just do the magic in how you relate and better communicate with one another. Consider getting away from the normal routine of serving and being served by your spouse at home, and instead plan to be having regular date nights away. When out alone feel free to create moments where you can communicate without distractions either from children or family you may be living with. It is a great way to improve communication as it allows you as a couple to focus on each other and have meaningful conversations without being interrupted by external factors.
When discussing any issues or conflicts, it is important to use ‘I’ statements instead of ‘You’ statements. In essence finger pointing is reduced when you take this approach giving more room for better communication. It helps to avoid placing blame and makes the conversation less confrontational. By using ‘I’ statements, each partner takes responsibility for their feelings, and the conversation becomes more productive. Being in the offensive will automatically make the other party feel the need to either be defensive or just get them outrightly angry and so you may end up not effectively communicating, though even these reactions are still messages being sent but with no good result expected.
Using nonverbal communication like hugs, holding hands, and eye contact to express love and support can also improve communication. These gestures can help to convey emotions that may be difficult to express with words and can strengthen the connection between partners.
In today’s world, we are constantly connected to our devices, which can be a significant barrier to effective communication. According to the most recent available data on the matter, an average person spends about 6 hours 58-minutes on screen time connected to the internet. Add this to say daily chores, taking care of your children’s needs, your personal needs, and you may just find that if you fail to be deliberate, your spouse will get the least, to no amount of your time. It is therefore important to take a break from technology and social media to focus on each other. This means putting phones and other devices away and spending quality time together.
Practicing active listening when talking to each other can also improve communication. This means giving full attention to the speaker and trying to understand their point of view. Active listening helps to create a safe environment where both partners feel heard and understood.
If there are any communication challenges, attending couples’ therapy or counseling can be helpful. It should not be a far-off thought if you are facing challenges in communicating with each other. There is help available and a therapist can provide guidance and help you work through any issues. Therapy can also help you as a couple, to learn new communication skills and techniques that can improve your relationship.
You are married so it must surely mean you were friends, who made each other laugh at least, and the hope is that you still are and working toward making your friendship even better. So, using humor can help diffuse tense or uncomfortable situations. It can help to lighten the mood and make it easier to discuss difficult topics. However, since you know each other to a great extent it is essential to use humor appropriately, and both of you should be comfortable with the type of humor used. If you know your partner is particularly sensitive about some topics avoid intentionally going there in the hope that they will crack up at your supposed humor or joke.
Writing letters or notes of appreciation to each other can also improve communication. It is a way to express gratitude and show love for your partner. It is also an excellent way to communicate when one partner finds it challenging to express their feelings verbally. The beauty about these is that you can go back to them any time, especially at a particularly difficult time in your relationship and you may just find comfort or be reminded of beautiful moments shared.
Discussing each other’s love languages and incorporating them into daily communication can also be helpful. This means understanding how your partner likes to receive love and adjusting your communication accordingly. Understanding your partner’s love language can help you communicate love and appreciation more effectively. Do not assume.
Creating a safe space where both partners feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings is also important. This means being open and honest with each other and creating an environment where both of you feel heard and respected. It is essential to create a judgment-free zone where both partners can express themselves freely.
So, what are we really saying in all this? Improving communication in your marriage requires effort, patience, and commitment from both partners. Remember, communication is a two-way street, and both partners must be willing to listen, understand and communicate effectively. With practice and patience, you can strengthen your relationship and build a more fulfilling life together, as that is what marriage is all about after all.