From Honeymoon straight to the real wifely and most especially homely duties! It is possible that you may have not internalized what that meant while you were busy planning for the wedding; it may have crossed your mind every once in a while, but albeit the excitement for the wedding and a much-anticipated honeymoon, ‘conveniently’ placed any other idea or thought in the furthest corner of your brain, to be picked up later!
Well, the later has now come and you are now a Mrs., or a husband responsible for someone else, who will be bearing your last name. Out of the comfort of your parents’ care and into the hands of a brand-new person and part of a brand-new family. It is a wakeup call, and if you had not really thought through and planned for your new life, you may suddenly feel overwhelmed by your new status of a married person.
So, all we want to try and do here is to get you thinking, beforehand, about your life after the wedding day and how you can equip yourself especially mentally for the chosen path and status of ‘married.’
Preparing for your marriage when the wedding is now done and dusted you, is critical to building a long-lasting and healthy relationship. Here are some ideas to help you get started:
This is really not just an idea that people have created and with no course at all; PMCCs as commonly referred to, is intended to prepare you to a large extent for what is ahead. Attend pre-marital counseling with a professional or a trusted spiritual leader to better understand each other’s expectations, communication styles, and conflict resolution strategies. This will help you identify potential areas of conflict and learn how to resolve them effectively. This should by no means take the place of your natural and intentional steps to learn about each other but should be thought of as a tool that aids in this learning process as you entrust each other with your lives ahead as partners.
Create a shared vision of your future together by setting goals for every aspect of your lives. Discussions like managing finances, planning for children, supporting each other’s careers, handling in-laws, and the like, must be had. This will help you build a strong foundation for your future together and ensure that you’re both on the same page over the most mundane to the most sensitive issues. If you work singularly, you run the risk of each person making their assumptions about key parts of your future, and pain can quickly follow if these parts are not addressed to have oneness of mind. You are after all, now a team!
There is a Swahili saying that warns one to not got to the garden without a hoe, it is deemed as unpreparedness and foolishness. Basically, you need all your tools of trade when setting out on a venture, and information is one such important tool in marriage. Read books on marriage and relationships to gain insight and knowledge on how to maintain a healthy and happy marriage. There are many great books that can help you learn about effective communication, conflict resolution, and other important skills for building a strong relationship. But I must strongly add that understanding marriage from the foundation of its Author is no doubt the best place start. The Good Book is the most amazing and important point of reference.
If you have never stopped to think about your strength or weaknesses as a communicator, it is important to go back to yourself to gain or improve on this crucial skill. Do not assume that you are a good listener and a better communicator than your partner. Really assess yourself on this even if it means consulting trusted people or professionals so that you get this part right. Practice active listening and open communication to ensure that both of you feel heard and valued. This is a key component of any healthy relationship, and it can help you build a strong emotional connection with your partner.
Plan to prioritize and intentionally spend quality time together. There are many ideas you can use to pursue such opportunities, like scheduling date nights, weekend getaways, or vacations. This will help you create positive memories together and strengthen your bond. This has to be thought through and must be given priority as you plan for your life ahead as a married couple. Dating must not stop after the honeymoon or even after the children.
If saying ‘Sorry’ and ‘I forgive you’ were foreign vocabularies to you as a single person, then it is time, my friend, to unlearn this and quickly learn to apologize and forgive each other. It is so easy for resentment to build up when you are always on the offensive. Being ready to genuinely apologize and forgive each other will help you avoid this, and instead build a stronger emotional connection. This is an important skill for any relationship, and it can help you overcome challenges and help you grow closer together.
You can be sure that you are not the first neither will you be the last couple on earth; there have been those ahead of you and those with you. The dynamics may be different, but the challenges are by and large, the same. For this reason, many workshops are often prepared in different circles, to educate and nurture marriages as this is the foundation of a healthy society. Attend a marriage retreat or workshop to deepen your understanding of each other and improve your relationship skills. There are many great retreats and workshops that can help you strengthen your relationship and build new skills. You are not alone!
Since there are those who have been on the same journey you are just starting, you should purpose to find a couple that resonates with you and may be willing to hold your hand. Seek advice from them, as trusted mentors or couples that have had successful and long-lasting marriages can be great guides for your own marriage. This is definitely a great way to learn from the experiences of others and gain valuable insights into building a strong relationship. Identify this kind of couple early in advance and do it together for synergy.
Purpose to continuously work on yourself as an individual to be the best partner you can be. This means taking care of your physical, emotional, and mental health, and working to cultivate positive habits and behaviors. The old adage you reap what you sow, is true in this sense for if you sow positive attitude, love, faithfulness, hope, this is exactly what you will reap. Always strive to exude the energy you desire or expect from your partner. If both of you do this continuously, it can be bliss in spite of the thorns you may meet within the roses. The roses will still be beautiful and fragrant.
It is what brought you together so fix your eyes and set your hearts to express this. Study and understand each other’s love language. Remember to intentionally express love, kindness, and appreciation of your spouse to maintain a strong and loving bond. This is perhaps the most important thing you can do to build a happy and healthy relationship, and it can help ensure that your marriage lasts a lifetime. Purpose to set your heart, mind and strength fixed on love even in the valleys of hardship and challenges.